Sunday, December 11, 2005

TITANIC II

"The discovery of two large pieces of the Titanic's hull on the ocean floor indicates the fabled luxury liner sank faster than previously thought, researchers said Monday."... is the gist of an article that appeared on CNN.com a few days ago. 5th December 2005 to be exact.

You can find the original article on CNN here..

Close to a hundred years after the tragedy, the Titanic still fascinates..

A tentative timeline for future findings about the Titanic and their corresponding news clippings follow:

April 18th, 2055
Scientists discovered yesterday that the iceberg that struck the Titanic was actually not an iceberg but a meteor that crashed into the earth around 1000 years ago. Matter embedded in the hull tells researchers that this meteor was made of a strange element that has not been discovered yet. The porous nature of this element enabled the meteor to float. There is an on-going search for a suitable name for the element. Unfortunately, though 'titanium' is the most logical name, it already exists. Most scientists are currently leaning towards 'titanicium'.

September 7th, 2082
Recent studies of depressions on the ocean floor have refuted previous claims made in 2005 that the Titanic split into two before sinking. The size of the depression indicates clearly that the Titanic was still in one piece at the time of impact. This of course means that she sank much slower than she was thought to have in 2005. However, the reason for the existence of the two large pieces remains unknown. A twenty member research group, funded by a twenty million dollar grant from the National Science foundation (NSF), has been formed to determine the reason for the split and the possible time-period of its occurrence.

October 11th, 2091
The members of the research group sanctioned to investigate the reasons behind the split hull of the Titanic nine years ago, are said to be divided in their interpretation of what exactly happened.The first group proposes the 'Earthquake theory' which claims that the split was a result of an undersea earthquake that occurred in the vicinity in the 1940s. From the surrounding damage and effect, seismologists estimate the earthquake in question to have been atleast 8.1 in magnitude on the Richter scale. The second group proposes the 'Blue Whale theory', which claims that a blue whale pair migrating south to mate and have babies in the warmer water collided head on with the wreck of the Titanic and caused the split. 'Two distinctive dents' are quoted as proof of this occurence. The sharp edges around the dents, seem to indicate that the collision occurred relatively recently, probably sometime in the 1980s. An additional one million dollars have been sanctioned to resolve this issue and bring to light the actual happenings.

November 14, 2093
Late last afternoon, markings on the hull revealed that the name of the Titanic was not really Titanic but "Some-very-very-very-long-name-like-this". The markings are too faint to be sure of the name. It is thus surmised that the popular name Titanic reflects the size of its name and not the actual size of the ship. This discovery resolved long-standing doubts in the minds of scientists about the authenticity of the 'largest-ship' claim. These doubts have been lingering ever since intense underwater research seemed to indicate that the hull did not seem to be big enough for such a claim, even if the two pieces were put together.

July 8th, 2094
John Cameron, grandson of James Cameron has announced plans for "Titanic II" scheduled to be released in the summer of 2097 exactly one hundred years after "Titanic" hit the screens. This movie will take into account recent findings since the original movie was released. In addition it will be by far the most expensive movie ever made. This time the ship itself will not cost as much since it will be smaller. However, 'titanicium', the element the meteorite was made of is considerably more expensive than ice and so will cost a mammoth one billion dollars. In order to increase the footage of this extravagant meteorite set, the movie will include a scene in which 'Leonardo di Caprio' and 'Kate Winslet' look alikes make out in a cave on the huge meteor. This is already hyped as the major attraction of the movie. Something to watch out for!! Speculation is mounting on whether the much acclaimed sketching scene of Kate Winslet in the nude will be reproduced in this version of the movie. Only time will tell. Keep your fingers crossed.

The movie will also talk of the split of the Titanic after its sinking where 'Rachel Weisz' and 'Brendon Fraser' look alikes will take on the roles of 'researchers', who during an intense making out session, chance upon the true reason behind the splitting of the hull of the Titanic. There has already been a lot of controversy over which theory will be used. At the current time, it is rumored that John(to his credit) favors the 'Earthquake theory' over the 'Blue Whale theory'. However, it is almost certain that the ending will be finalized only after the concerned research group submits its report in late 2096.

And I thought I had nothing worthwhile to do.. :D

43 comments:

vibha said...

Oh Leon r u planning to bcome a Sivashankar Baba or Yagava......
:p

Leon said...

All this is actually going to happen.. you will see... :p

Camphor said...

totally jobless. :P

poyi padi. :D

(very nice, to tell you the truth. Took a lot of effort to force myself to read something titled "Titanic"... but quite worth it. :D)

Leon said...

Thanks.. hehe..

Was it very hard to bring yourself to tell me the truth? :D

So.. back in the college lab? :p

Navin said...

Leon I believe you all the way...But I think you left one final prediction which is certain to become true "In the year 2099 after the huge hit of Titanic II the movie was remade in tamil in a low budget titled 'Tight Tonic' with 5 fights and 6 songs :).

Radha said...

hey. ur prediction is damn cool. al ur own huh??!. very imaginative. gud fun reading it. even i tot it wud b borin initially. :-)

Incognito said...

I liked the blue whale theory better!
You might as well include the fact that might be 'discovered' later about the saphire. In 2100, still discovering, they found that it was actually Kohinoor diamond in disguise. Was last sighted with the Ship. And when they open the locker, they find a map that leads to it. Enter 'Harrison Ford'. Yet another 'Indiana Jones and the last cruise-aid' :P

Leon said...

[Navin] Haha.. you're right of course.. And we musn't forget the climax fight where the hero will ALMOST lose and THEN win.. :D

[Radha] Thanks.. I'm glad you didn't find it boring after you read it.. :-). Just thought I'd write some nonsense for a change.. All that research into trivial matters like "the ship sunk faster than it was thought to have" really bugged me.

[Incognito] You did huh? You must have quite an imagination yourself then.. hehe..
I did think of talking about that sapphire.. but I basically ran out of time.. exams and all that.. :-(. But if I'd thought of the 'Kohinoor' diamond and 'Harrison Ford' like you did I'd probably have gone ahead.. lol. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

How the hell do you have time for all these stories dude???????????????????????? I was good though!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

revised comment: "How the hell do you have time for all these stories dude??????????????????????? It was good though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Leon said...

Exam week brings out the best in me.. :p.. lol.

Thanks..

Btw, you didn't leave a name.. Obviously you know me.. so let me know who you are.. :-)

Ms. V said...

Everytime I hear the word "Titanic", I see Leonardo's ugly face in my head and want to throw up. Ugh.

Anyway, does it really really matter what happened though? I mean, what's going to be accomplished? A ship sank. People died. Nothing's going to change that. Might as well use all the money being wasted on this research to feed a few countries full of starving people.

P.S. - I don't really think you need the advertising, Mr. I-cut-my-hair-to-appear-in-dreams :p

Leon said...

Boo for Leonardo.. but if you noticed, there's one good thing to be said for him.. He has MY name as a prefix to his name.. Now he's not so bad is he? :D

What you say next is exactly what I wanted to convey through this post. You're the first to criticise the 'research' though. I wonder if I should have been more direct... (pondering)

I always need advertising.. lol.

My My.. I do believe I sense a tinge of jealousy there? :p

silverine said...

LOL

At last a good satirical piece on the Titanic. Great read :))

Tar said...

Well written! Seriously, these stinking rich countries can put their money to better use than just digging out things from History. There are so many faces of mankind that are becoming history everyday on the other side of the globe :(

Leon said...

[Silverine] Thank you.. :-)

[Tar] Thanks.. And it's not just about the other side of the globe... you wouldn't believe how many underprivileged people exist within the US itself.

Rainbow said...

I think its very very important to dig up and know all that we can from our history...cos you know what they say-"People who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it".
Something makes me think Dubyaji slept when vietnam was being discussed.
Leon, I couldnt decide which one pic makes u look better- the tux or the hair cut shot. I declare a tie.

Leon said...

I concur that it is often a good idea to dig up historical facts.. but with the discovery of radar a repeat of the 'Titanic' tragedy is almost impossible.. I can't imagine what the 'researchers' are looking for now..

Hmph.. my face wasn't even visible in the haircut pic.. I'm miffed.. :p

Ms. V said...

Uhm. So now I have one more reason to dislike Leo? :P

Well, as long as you have me to make things clear to the world, why bother being direct? :P

Advertise me, and I'll advertise you.

Of course, I'd be jealous. I'm not into the business of sharing my men! ;)

Shy said...

Hi ! thank you for commenting on my blog. nice blog !!!!

keep seeing my blog !!!!!

Camphor said...

nope. once I decide, then no difficulty. I've picked up an irrtating tamil accent from a teacher of mine.

and yes, labs again. *sigh*

Mirage said...

Haha! Youve got it all planned out! I guess until the mystery is unravelled it'll continue to intrigue the generations that follow...

Good post! Hey n thnx fr visiting my space. :)

Leon said...

[Vids] Haha.. yeah.. what would I ever do without you? :p My problem is.. I'm a very bad advertiser.. but I'll try..

Now.. Now.. Don't fret.. Silverine is a nice gal.. And atleast you don't have to share me with the whole world like I have to.. Miss lusting-after-every-man-on-the-globe.. :p

[Shy] Thanks.. Are you shy, btw? :p

[Camphor] What irritating tamil accent? I mean which word are you accenting now..?

Poor you.. Never mind.. Go home during the weekends..

[Mirage] yeah.. we have nothing to worry about while we have our 'researchers' to do the unravelling for us. Thanks..

Manasi Subramaniam said...

Ships. Having had some personal experience on them, I can tell you: they're not quite as great as they're made out to be. Really. I bet the Titanic was actually a dump. I mean... they don't have pictures of the insides, do they? Who ever said it was all nice and cushy? Hmph. I bet people puked all over the place all the time. Hollywood tends to romanticise everything.

Ms. V said...

Oh, I see. So this is what it's all about eh? A little tit for tat?

THE DEVIL said...

hmm... Do agree its a waste of money in finding out how ppl died. No amount can get the back alive.(does not happen in magical world too!!)

Two more probable theories:

1. A meteorite came crashing and the impact divided them into two.

2. Harry Potter style: That was the place were Lord Voldermont hid his last horcrux after killing everyone on the ship who saw him!!

Leon said...

[Manasi] That was SOME personal experience you had.. :-)

I kinda think you're right.. I don't believe there were too many nice and cushy things back then. The ship in the movie was something else altogether.. I couldn't even dream up something like that.

[Vids] So now you know... :p

[Karthik] I don't fancy theory 1 much. Two meteorites being related with the Titanic.. nah.. too much of a coincidence.. :D.. The public wouldn't lap it up..

The second one is more appealing though.. lol.

Anonymous said...

Would u believe me? I read the whole of it..good one...2094 news was the best :-p

Anuranjani

Anonymous said...

surely u r jobless :-p
Anu

Camphor said...

*sobs*
I have class on saturdays too!The whole day! Now I can't even go home except for second saturday weekends!! (And not even that till Feb)

*sigh* I'm bunking to go home. No other option.

Leon said...

[Anuranjani] I believe you di.. After all, it was interesting enough to hold even your interest.. spicy rather :p.. But seriously thanks! As for being jobless, what would you rather do? Study for an exam or write a long post? :D Exams end 17th...

[Camphor] Poor you.. Don't fret too much about bunking.. Like I already told you, I bunked a few days each month to go home.. Follow in my footsteps and greatness will follow you.. :D

>|' ; '| said...

:)) thts a very funny post, my man! blue whale theory! ROFLMAO!!!
wonder if i will be there to see ur predictions come to life ;)
maybe the titanic sank cos it was sick n tired of floating around. maybe it developed an intelligence of its own or aliens gave it a smart ai, and programmed it to crash into the titanicium meteorite; and hence, as part of a master plan to the destroy human race, the largest passenger carrier of its time was wrecked. ok...i think i am exceeding the limits!

Leon said...

Thankoo Thankoo..

Well, since you are a couple of years younger, you probably have a better chance at seeing all those things happen than I do.. :p

Lol.. and I thought I had a wild imagination.. :D

~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

Hi ...

Thanx for stopping by ...

@ Titanic : I used to have a snap of an iceberg as my wallpaper ... loved the blue of the sea , the white of the iceberg above the water surface , and the black below the water surface

Leon said...

Hi.. Unfortunately Titanic is unable to read all that... :p.. thanks..

Harish Suryanarayana said...

Ever heard of the 'Tidhanic ' ? A 13 minute cut paste of the original in tamil with an audio make over . Kate is Dhanalatchmi , Billy Zane is MutthuPaandy mama and Leonardo is Velu . It had me rolling ...

Leon said...

Unfortunately I haven't.. Is it up for download somewhere?

I'm done with exams!!! YAY!!! I'm open for chess now.. :-).

Jaya said...

Hey..nice one..at first thought..oh something else on the Titanic??..turned out to be something else alright:p..lol @ the blue whale theory, and brendon fraser look alike researching the true cause??hmm..we know what he's lookin for:p..You shud prolly preserve this so ur grandkiddos can get some moolah outta ur extensive research and predictions;)

and LOL at the previous comment-or's Tidhanic..Dhanalatchmi eh?i want it if u get the download:D

Planck said...

Na!! there's people much more useless than us!!

Ganja Turtle said...

Quite a lot of "making out" in the Titanic story, I see...takes a lot of free time and inclination to do that ;-)Not that we mind...U at Duke by any chance?

Anu said...

I initailly didnt bother to read, htinking it was some seroius documented stuff!
lol!
had me in splits!

Leon said...

[Jaya] Thanks.. lol.. And of course my grand kids will see this.. (and maybe appreciate my soothsaying abilities.. ;-))

In fact one of the intentions of this blog is to keep a record of my thinkings at this point. I think reading all this after 20 years would be a pleasant experience...


[Sneha] Err. Did you have anyone particular in mind?


[Ganja Turtle] Just my utter sarcasm for the strange situations in which people 'make out' in the movies.. hehe..

Nope I'm not at Duke.. I'm at the University of New Hampshire.. Duke is in North Carolina. And hey.. Duke is a private university.. Full funding would be difficult to get.. Did you think I was made of money?.. :p

But your question is justified. Durham, NC is the big town.. Durham, NH is just a university town.


[Anu] Thank you! I'm glad you liked.. :-)

Anonymous said...

"Blogged: What you call a trivial or largely inconsequential topic once bloggers have processed through every tired detail. For more on this, look into: every minor news story."